Breaking Bad's "Ozymandias" (*spoilers*)

I have never ever ever written a post about an episode of TV.  Until now.  Granted, I wasn't a blogger when Lost was on the air, and you can bet your britches (what? who says that?!) I would have blogged about each and every episode.  Especially ESPECIALLY the season finale of season 3.  Best episode of TV EVER.  You know, the one where you realize it's not a flashback but a flashFORWARD. 

 What?  It's a FLASH FORWARD?!?!  Mind exploding. 

But I digress.

My husband is a long time fan of Breaking Bad and he tried to get me to watch it a few years ago.  I made it until they started disintegrating bodies in bathtubs (so probably only 3 episodes!) and called it quits.  Just not my cup of tea.

But flashforward a few years and a ton of time on our hands spent watching a newborn sleep (especially during the first two weeks home when JMan was also home) and I decided to give it another shot.  I was hooked, and we flew through all 5 seasons and impatiently awaited the return of the second half of Season 5 and the last remaining episodes. 

Let's be clear, I'm not a fan of Walt.  While he was a nice-ish guy in the beginning it's clear he's just plain EVIL nowadays, which became blatantly obvious to me when he killed my favorite character Mike.  JUST. PLAIN. EVIL.

But his evilness came to a head during Sunday nights episode. 

First - the knife wrestling scene.  I seriously and literally COULD-NOT-WATCH.  I had my hands over my eyes and was yelling I CAN'T WATCH I CAN'T WATCH I CAN'T WATCH.  I was 100% certain someone, likely Skyler, Walter Junior, or maybe even possibly Baby Holly, was about to get stabbed.  AND I COULD NOT WATCH THIS HAPPEN. 

 

Second, stealing Baby Holly.  What the heck Walt?  That was just plain stupid.  Why would you do this?  If you had just left and run, the police would have looked for you for like 5 seconds.  Just another domestic dispute.  But taking a BABY?!  Hello crazy Amber Alert and everyone in the world looking for you.  JUST. PLAIN. STUPID.  And so terrible.  Talk about the worst possible thing he ever could have done to Skyler. 

Seriously, my heart breaks just looking at poor Holly in the firetruck.

Third, sentencing Jesse to death.  Walt's supposedly on death row anyway.  Why does it matter if Jesse lives?  He's protected Hank all this time "because he's family" but he sentences Jesse to die even know he's pretty much family too?  Why can't Walt just let it go, run away, kill himself, or turn himself in?  Hasn't he done enough bad things to last a lifetime?  Isn't time running short anyway?  Why? 

 

He tried to save Hank but couldn't care less about Jesse.

Fourth, what's with berating Skyler on the phone?  Do you think he a) meant all of those things he said, or b) do you think he said those things to absolve in her in the eyes of the police?  At first I thought it was a, but then the fact that he was crying at the end of the conversation made me think b.  Or maybe it's a combination of both? 

 

Fifth, what do you think he "still has left to do"?  Who did he buy that gun for?  What could there possibly be left to do?  Everyone is dead.  What loose ends are left?  It seems unbelievable that he'd have a change of heart about Jesse, given that two seconds ago he basically spit in his face telling him about Jane when he could have saved him.  Does he need revenge on the Nazi guys for killing Hank?   And how does his house get destroyed?

 

Sixth, what the heck does "Ozymandias" mean?  Thanks to a Google search, it is apparently a famous 1818 poem and means "ruler of air" or "ruler of nothing".  "The mighty one has literally fallen, and so has everything he accomplished."  Fitting, I guess.  

Finally, how do you think it will end?   Will Walt die?  If so, will he succumb to his cancer or be killed off by someone / something?  What will happen to his family? 

What do YOU think?  I want to watch the episode again to gain some clarity.  But after it felt like nothing was happening in Season 5 (boorrinnggg) it was sure nice to be on the edge of my seat the whole episode!

A Baby J 11 Week Update

Oh hello there.

It's been awhile you say?  Sorry.  There's not much to report in this neck of the woods.  Time is just tickin' by, it's hard to believe that this little guy:

Is now this little guy:

 Look at those cute onesies Becky made!

Baby J is still as adorable as ever.  Him smiling is the absolute BEST THING EVER and makes up for all of the not-sleeping and fussypants wearing he's been doing lately.  I seriously LIVE for those smiles.

 

It's my last week of full maternity leave.  Granted, I've been working pretty much half time now for about a month now, so that's nothing new, but much of it has been done at home or included bringing baby to work.  I have gone in a few times for full days away from Baby J and let me tell you that pumping at work is not my favorite thing.  AT ALL.

Pumping and I have come a long way in our relationship though, from pure hatred to more of an affectionate annoyance.  I have about 190 ounces stored up (yes, I actually counted yesterday!) which makes me proud.  As you all know, I'm planning on doing Ragnar Vegas with Team Nuun in November, and while I hope to not have to throw away ALL of my milk while I'm away (any ideas? That stuff is liquid gold man), I'm going to plan like I will have to.  I'm estimating I'll need about 70 ounces stored just for that while I'm gone.  Plus I'm already fearing there won't be much time for pumping while I'm at work, judging from the few days I've gone in, so I'd really love to have a decent stash to help supplement if my supply starts dipping.  My goal is to breastfeed for 6 months, and we're nearly halfway there!  But I know the harder half still awaits.

 Seriously, I'm a growing boy mom.  You have that milk ready.

Anyway, short story made long, pumping at work is a whole other story!  So far I have been walked in on by both my boss AND our brand new young custodian, both male, both of whom were VERY embarrassed.  THE DOOR WAS LOCKED FOR A REASON PEOPLE!!!  Needless to say, they have learned their lesson and I also have a lovely picture of a cow hanging on my door when needed.

 

Moooooo.  That's me alright. 

Other things.  Let's see, sleeping.  It's a 1 step forward, 2 steps back kind of world.  Baby J has slept 5 hours straight a few times, most of which I didn't get to enjoy because we were either driving or it was on one of these random thunder and lightning stormy nights where COOPER was the one we needed to be worried about keeping us up all night!  Man Cooper hates thunder.  A LOT.  Baby J also slept SEVEN HOURS STRAIGHT for one glorious night, which I also didn't really get to capitalize on, but it still gave me hope.  

Hope that has since been dashed since we seem to be regressing back into waking every two hours at night.  NOT FUN PEOPLE.  It makes me really worried about going back to work - I will be a zombie when I have to get up at 5am if the current pattern keeps up.  Please be a growth spurt!  

 Baby J also likes walks, in the stroller and in the pack, and being on the changing table for some reason.

Baby J's fussypants are also sticking around.  It is WAY better in that he will now play on his playmat for a bit, be read a story, etc. before getting upset.  He LOVES to look in the mirror and at faces, but still doesn't seem to look at toys much yet.  He even tolerated tummy time for a full 5 minutes yesterday, which is a record by about 4 minutes and 55 seconds!  But he's still often fussy, and we just don't know what to do for him to make him happy.  We even ended up leaving our friends' house at 10pm on Saturday night when we intended on spending the night and driving the hour home because we just couldn't get him calm and the car always does the trick instantly.  Sure enough, he was out for 5 hours straight, even through the transfer from car seat to crib!  It's hard to be away from home and all of our "weapons for the war on fussyness" (like the swing!).  I'm just hoping this is temporary and part of the "fourth trimester" like everyone says.

Loving his playmat.

Running was AWESOME for two weeks the week before last.  I felt really strong and like I was improving and ran 18 miles and 21 miles respectively, including two 7 milers and an 8 miler.  Then last week hit and I was just so freaking tired, plus it's definitely noticeable how dark it is getting earlier now, and so the time I've been going out for a run is now dark.  I really did try to run 9 miles on Sunday, but left at the exact worst time possible and caught in the biggest downpour of all time complete with scary thunder and lightning very close.  I hid under someone's garage eaves (sorry people!) until my sweet husband came and rescued me unprompted.  Stellar 1 mile people, for a total of 8 miles last week.  Suck.  That half marathon in 3 weeks is going to kill me!

Last, but not least, firsts!  Baby J has met his future spouse:

I swear she did this all on her own!

He also learned that his future best friend will arrive January 31st!

If you are pregnant you MUST do a gender reveal party.  It was the funnest thing EVER.  I wish I'd captured the Dad's joy at learning he was going to have a BOY on video.  Best. Thing. Ever.

And he took his first trip to the fair, where he enjoyed lots of delicious food vicariously through Mom and Grandma:

Whoops...

And that's about it!  Baby J is precious, sweet, and adorable.  I need to get back on the running train.  Baby J needs to sleep longer.  The end.  As always, baby tips GREATLY appreciated.

Things Are Getting Better... Maybe? (A 2 Month Baby J Update)

Things are slowly getting better.  I think.  Maybe?  Probably.  

It's a take 2 steps forward, take 1 step back (or is sometimes 2-3 steps back?) kind of world with Baby J.  So it's sometimes hard to tell that things are getting better because the progress is so slow, and just when you're thinking HEY, I'VE GOT THE HANG OF THIS, Baby J smacks you on your ass with a few horrible days in a row.  Then your confidence is shot.  

But look - so cute!  My two favorite boys.

But when I look back at week 5 it's clear how incredibly much better it is now than it was then.  Even if things are iffy at times. Back then Baby J would cry pretty much any time he was awake. Putting him in the ergo was my go to move to calm him, and it happened multiple times a day. He NEVER napped. Well, you already read about it.

                                                              1 month old vs. 2 months old

Now: he naps in his crib... sometimes.

Now: he sleeps in his crib at night.  He ALWAYS sleeps in his crib at night now, which is awesome, but the "sleeping" part is still more hit or miss. 

Now: he smiles at us!... sometimes.

Now: he interacts with the world around him and will sit contentedly in his swing or on his playmat for a little bit.... sometimes. 

Now: he sleeps longer at night!.... sometimes.  While its obviously not the 8 hours I'm used to from pre-baby days, I no longer feel like a zombie... sometimes.  We had a couple really great nights in a row and then a couple of nights where it took 3+ hours to get Baby J to go to sleep.  Those nights are ROUGH.  But I haven't cried from sleep deprivation frustration in weeks (yes, that happened)!  Just by typing those words I've probably guaranteed myself a sleep-deprived evening involving crying from both Baby J and I!

Breastfeeding is MUCH better.  My nipples aren't sore, I no longer need lanolin, and pumping doesn't hurt.  I have about 30 bags of milk frozen ranging from 3-6 ounces in each, so I figure I have about 120 ounces frozen.  I feel good about that. 

 

Baby J will also eat his hand if milks not available.  Yum.

I can carry baby J around and he looks at stuff and doesn't cry (I'm talking about NOT in the pack!)... sometimes. 

Things are better.  Probably.  Maybe.  Sometimes they're better??!! 

A 2 month update:  Last week Baby J went in for his 2 month appointment.  Apparently our scale / weigh-in methods are a little exageratory because he only weighed 12 lbs 5 ozs at the appointment, and I was guessing it'd be more like 13.  This is the 65th percentile, about average, but considering at birth he was in the 10th percentile I think that speaks volumes for his appetite!  His height (22.5") was in the 30th percentile (weak Baby J - you're gonna have to grow a bit for your basketball career to take off!) but his head was in the whopping 90th percentile!  

We went to the appointment planning to split up his vaccinations into two appointments but ended up getting all of them before we left.  Making decisions for Baby is SO HARD.  That night was one of the really rough ones.  He screamed, no, SHRIEKED for THREE HOURS STRAIGHT.  It was a scream I've never heard from him before and I just felt so horribly for him and the obvious pain he was in.  It was traumatizing for both of us.  Once he finally went to sleep though he seemed okay when he woke up even though he slept almost the entire next day.   

This is how he really felt about going to the doctor.

Costume change courtesy of spit-up. 

Baby J also took his first trip to the beach!

 

Same beach, different day.  Crazy huh?

And there you have it - 2 months!