50 Shades of Suck

This post could also be entitled: 50 Shades of Poor Writing.  Or E.L. James Repeats Herself for 528 Pages. 

Who are you people and WHY do you like this book???

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I just don't understand it.  It's probably related to how I don't understand why everyone is obsessed with Lululemon or loves The Avengers or is devoted to Downton Abbey.  Clearly, I don't always like what society thinks I should.

And in most cases, I can see the appeal.  Lululemon is well made, high quality, comfortable (probably, I'm just guessing).  I'm not the biggest lover of comic book movies.  I'm probably not smart enough to truly enjoy Downton Abbey.  But 50 SHADES OF GREY?  Let's forget it's all about sex for a minute, I don't care about that.  I mean, do I want to read the book out loud to my parents or worse, my grandma?  No, absolutely not.  I don't even want to read that book out loud, period.  But I can get past that.  But there are other aspects of the book that I can't get past. 

First, the writing itself is POOR, at best.  SO FREAKING REPETITIVE!  If Ana says "oh my" one more time I might SCREAM.  Same goes for "clench", "mercurial", "delicious", "eyes hooded", etc.  And what's with the talking to her inner self-conscious or "inner goddess" - who does that?!

Second, it's BORING.  There is absolutely NO story line besides them having sex.  Don't get me wrong, I love a little bit of a love story.  But that can't be the ONLY PLOT LINE.  Katniss and Peeta were FAR from the sole plot going on.  Even Bella and Edward at least have all kinds of crazy vampire and werewolf stuff going on.  And yes, while Harry and Ginny lived happily ever after, first they had to take care of that minor problem of killing all the horcruxes and taking care of that Voldemort character. 

Third, umm, I'm confused - isn't this book EXACTLY like Twilight??!!!  Like I feel like the beginning of the book is so similar that there is a potential lawsuit on their hands.  Ana (aka Bella) - both pale, very KLUTZY / uncoordinated, innocent, don't know their own beauty, don't know their own effects on others, etc.  Meet Christian (aka Edward), who tries to stay away from her because he's "a danger" to her.  Then Ana (aka Bella) gets herself into a situation that she needs "rescuing" from, and lo and behold, Christian (aka Edward) saves her.  SERIOUSLY IT'S THE SAME.

I just don't understand why this book stands out to America more than cheap romance novels.  What makes it special?  Why is everyone SO obsessed?  I totally get that people think it's a "guilty little pleasure" like ice cream or coffee creamer.  But is it too much to ask for for SOMETHING TO ACTUALLY HAPPEN???? 

Sorry people, I don't think I'm going to make it through all 3 books.  I just can't take it.  End complete rant.  Sorry if you hate me now.

Who's read Fifty Shades of Grey?  What about the other two (Fifty Shades Darker and Fifty Shades Freed)?  Who loves the books and why?  Thoughts???