So freaking SATURDAY is the MARATHON. Whoa.
So remember when I was all like ooh, look at me, I've got marathon plans and they involve smashing my PR?
Yeah. Scratch that. During my 22 miler I had a whole new revelation. And it involves just SURVIVING this marathon. And not just surviving it. But hopefully ENJOYING it. You see, during this run, in which, you may recall, I didn't just feel fine but I actually felt good and strong at the end, I realized that these two goals are mutually exclusive. Maybe not for everyone else but they definitely are for me.
But getting negative splits is too much pressure. source
Because you see, during the Portland Marathon I felt terrible from mile 14 on. That's HALF THE RACE. Of feeling terrible. Over 2 hours (yes it took me a full 10 minutes longer to run the second half than to run the first half) of feeling awful. And yes it poured the entire time and that probably didn't help (and might be why I'm freaking out about the possibility of rain on Saturday!), and yes I've suffered from many mini-injuries since then and missed a good chunk of training while I was in Singapore last year, but STILL, I haven't trained for a marathon since 2010. And before that since 2008. So you see, in a ramble-ramble-ramble way of getting to the point, I worry that if I don't enjoy this marathon, I may never run another one. And continuing to run marathons seems a whole lot more important to me than getting that sub 3:55 I'm dying for.
I thought so. source
Don't get me wrong, I have more reasons than just that. For one, I completely 90% doubt my ability to even run a PR. My speed workouts in the last few weeks have been less than stellar (okay okay, they've been non-existent), I seem to have more bad runs than good, and my stress level is HIGH due to the data entry nonsense you hear about nonstop. I feel like I've lost my running mojo and am so ready for this training cycle to be over. Because of all this, I think the likelihood of blowing up if I go out there running 8:35 miles from the beginning is 80%. Or higher. And yes I just made that percentage up. But you get my drift. And given that this interacts with my desire to feel good (see point #1), I think I have to let the PR goal go. If the stars align, they align. But if they don't, I don't want to be devastated after these months of training and hard work.
Or is this just a case of the taper crazies? source
Am I crazy? Don't get me wrong, if it's there for the taking, I will go for it. But if Saturday's not the day, it's not the day, and I don't know want that pressure hanging over my head.
Do you guys ever think the pressure of getting a PR is just too much pressure? Like everyone will be disappointed in you if you don't get it? Isn't that crazy? Is it crazy / weird that I just want to run without any time goals weighing me down?