Wednesday, April 25, 2012

My Cat is a Sociopath

Sidebar:  I MADE THE NUUN HOOD TO COAST TEAM!!!  But you probably knew that already if you read my 7,000 tweets or 200 Facebook posts about it yesterday.  I wanted to thank JMan again for his stellar video-ing skills and for being awesome in general.  And I wanted to thank all of you for commenting and being the best 3 readers in the world!  :-)  I'm still in Philly so I promise to talk about this more but there's no time now.

Now back to our regularly scheduled programming...

I recently finished reading (and watching) We Need to Talk About Kevin, which is a harrowing and terrifying book about a boy responsible for killing 9 of his peers in a school shooting. It's told from the mother's point of view, and what I found so interesting is the conflict between whether Kevin was born a sociopath, or whether his mother's repulsion of him from a young age (because of these sociopathic behaviors) caused it, or both. Anyway, a really interesting read that left me disturbed and thinking about it for weeks.  If you need birth control or are thinking of having a baby, read this! You will NEVER want to have a baby after this, for fear it will be like Kevin.  READ IT!  I highly recommend it, though it is quite long and a little slow in the beginning.


After reading it, I saw the movie.  It was okay.  Like always, read the book instead.  That boy in the movie was extremely disturbing though - he did a good job.  After both reading and watching, I reflected on my own life and realized something terrifying: my cat is a sociopath.

I have many reasons to believe this, including the fact that he likes to bite me for no reason whatsoever, often after I have been petting him and otherwise showing him love.  He shows no remorse for these types of actions, and in fact, I fear that he ENJOYS dominating me and leaving me in a state of fear.  I am often especially fearful when he puts his face near my face.  I have had nightmares of him clawing my eyes out.  


He shows no love or loyalty. If you can't pet him or give him treats he care nothing for you.  As soon as he's done getting what he wants he bites you!  How rude. 

He terrorizes and bullies those around him.  Here he is stalking poor Cooper.  Poor sweet Cooper is definitely a sensitive pup, and perhaps he suffers the most because of the cat's acts of terrorism.  Cooper is often hiding and is in a constant state of anxiety.  The cat will run up and bat Cooper on the nose and then run away, enticing Cooper to chase him.  

He has no feelings.

He is sneaky.  Here he is trying to get into my backpack.  Please ignore the incredible mess around it.

This is what happens after he gets in my backpack.  I get to work and find my lunch has been half eaten by the evil cat. 

He steals socks, adding to the already horrendous problem of lacking matching socks.

He's not allowed in our bedroom because JMan is allergic to cats, but whenever he sneaks in, he heads STRAIGHT to JMan's pillow to lay on it.  He NEVER lays on my pillow, oh no, he KNOWS what he's doing.  Sociopath central.

Is your cat plotting to kill you?
These are my results after taking the quiz.  83% is a pretty freaking good chance.

Do you have an evil cat?  Or a regular cat?  Or no cat?!  What pets do you have or want to have?